Monday, 3 March 2014

To the Bullies

To the Bullies,

You probably don't know who you are and what you did to me, but I remember everything. The names, the taunts, the threats. I remember so much. My last three years of school were miserable due to you all. You bullied me so much that I was unable to stay on at school for sixth form, even though my grades were more than enough to enable me to complete my high school education.

Even though I left school as soon as I could, I couldn't run away from you all. You sapped my confidence and left me with anxieties that last to this day. I can't even walk around the village I've lived in for almost all my life by myself. I'm still afraid of you, even though you've probably completely forgotten all you did to me.

But I'm letting you know that I'm changing. I'm getting my confidence back. It's taken me nearly ten years to do this, but I am going to change things. I will get my confidence back. I will be able to walk around my little village alone. I will stop worrying about bumping into one of you when I go out by myself. I will do all this and more, just so you know that you didn't defeat me.

And for what it's worth, I forgive you for what you did. Feeling bitter about things will only hold me back. So I've forgiven you, even though what you did led to me developing schizophrenia. Forgiving you all was the easy bit though. Moving on and changing things is the tricky bit.

You may have bullied me into silence, but I will get the last word. You have not defeated me, and I will not let you get me down anymore. Your taunts and threats will not bother me anymore.

Yours,

That Girl You Couldn't Leave Alone

4 comments:

  1. Nicely put, Katy! I suffered pretty much the same treatment as you throughout the whole of my schooling, even in primary school and, although I haven't developed what you have, I still feel the pain and anger I felt towards those people back then pretty much the same now. I see that many of the little boys that taunted me back then have become fathers and I hope, for their childrens' sake, that they have grown up and actually become respectful towards other humans. Some of them I doubt will ever grow up and have probably been in and out of prison many times.

    Sparky xx

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  2. You were probably a brand of awesome they couldn't understand...

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  3. I really liked what you wrote. Have been through something like that too!! Only the strong ones can forgive!!!

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  4. That is so moving, and so powerful, and so motivational.

    I want to tell you, that you are not alone. I know you know that, as do I, but it always help, every step on the way, to find someone else who "gets it" like I do.

    Keep on being strong :) I tell myself that all the time, even when I am at the weakest times. I'm not sure if you have discovered this yet, but in time, you will notice that negative thinking and thoughts will occur less and less and be easier to deal with.

    There is no reason that You, or I, or anybody can _entirely_ overcome this situation! I don't refer to it as an "illness" because what it more correctly is a situation that you have been put in by others. But once you can stop separating "us and them" then you can realize that you have the same power and ability to get yourself out of this situation.

    Because, had you known what you knew now, at the time, you could have prevented yourself from developing this situation. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, don't get my words wrong. I'm just saying, consider how that power existed in you then and exists in you now (only, stronger than ever!!). That thought alone brings a peace and calmness over my entire body when I'm feeling down!

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